Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Free Pre-Valentine's Day Message



Do you love your husband?

Then love your husband.

Love your husband the way he needs to be loved.

* * *

I was at Walmart last night picking up treats for tomorrow. There were heart-covered vases, heart-bearing teddy bears, and enormous heart-shaped boxes of candy. (My personal "favorite" was one that had the picture of  a cartoon bikini-ed torso. I wondered, was that for the guy to give to his girl? Or vice-verse?)

I thought about Pilate's "What is truth?" only I changed the words to "What is love?"

Because frankly, at Walmart, it seemed a bit tawdry.

* * *

I can tell you what my husband thinks love is, and the odds are good your husband agrees.

In other words, how's your sex life?

I'll guarantee you, it's not what the stores would have you think it should be. It's not a "tit for tat" (slight pun intended); it's not a "he gives me this; I'll give him that."

Marital intimacy is more--much more--that just one day in February.

* * *

I've been married for 18 years. We've had highs and lows and even lower lows; we've had laughter, joy, and eleven kids total. Can I speak to you honestly? From the heart and from my experience? The more I give myself to him in the way that he truly needs it...and we're talking at least bi-weekly, maybe more...

(periods of abstinence being an exception, of course...)

The happier I am, and the better off we are. Ultimately both of our needs get met because as a man, he's built up. As a result, he goes to bat for me in the ways that I need as a wife and a mom.

I love that he goes to bat for me because being a mom is not at all easy.

* * *

Just be careful, is what I'm saying, about turning "love" into a heart-shaped emotion. Love is so much more than that! 

Love is self-giving and love is life-giving.

Love is first an act of the will...and after that comes flowers and chocolate.♥




14 comments:

  1. Bi-weekly? What happened to the EVERY DAY thing? This is timely, because I just started trying to give more of myself to mine like at least every other day. It's funny, I want to during the day, but by night time, I get tired. By the time I go to bed, I want to, you know, go to bed. To sleep.

    Working and praying and communicating about this subject helps a ton.
    Beautiful post. SO, did you get the bikini chocolates for your husband?

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    1. Ha! Are you referring to this post, Jamie? Or maybe its follow-up, Part II?

      That "every day for seven days" was a sort of Hail Mary pass that saved our marriage. It's a great goal but not very realistic. And I'm like you: by 9:00 p.m. I'm ready to sign out. Stick a fork in me; I'm done! The good news is, there's always room in a marriage to be flexible, and because John works at home, we can be. ; )

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    2. yes, interesting things happen in the morning. by nighttime, i want no touching or talking lol. I've told him that i won't say no in the morning nad its true (barring illness or abstaining). the trick is finding the time with kidlets running around...

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    3. Yes to both posts!! Christine and I totally thought you did it every day. (EVERY Dang day) We've even commented on how much your hubby gets. (hehehe)

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  2. Thank you Margaret for always being frank and honest. We need this truth!!! Love for my husband and I last Valentine's Day resulted in our 7th munchkin born exactly 9 months to the day. (I'm sure she will roll her eyes about it when she is older.) But seriously, my hubby is always happier when I make time for him, like Jamie, every other day is the best. Hard though, when all I want to do is SLEEP!

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    Replies
    1. That's just awesome, Marcie. Gotta love those 7th munchkins!

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  3. Very well said! I heard someone once say...if we can stay up and hour to fold laundry, or an hour to check out blogs of facebook, why can't we give some time to our husbands...'cause really, we aren't often talking an hour here.....

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    1. such truth written here thanks!

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  4. Betsy M3:08 PM

    You are such a smart lady!

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  5. Very different situation in our life.
    Life after prostate cancer changes a lot.

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    Replies
    1. That would be the exception to the rule, Karen. I'm so sorry you've had to carry this cross!

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  6. Oh you always say it so well. Timely reminder. And thank you.

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  7. Thank you! I needed this as I don't do this enough, it's so easy to get into the mommy rut and the i'm just plain tired rut and to ignore your husbands needs. thanks for the reminder that you need to snap out of it and love on more then just one day a year.

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Quite frankly, I would LOVE it if you left a comment. Sending me coffee & chocolate works too.

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