I have been thinking (read: fretting) a lot about my last post, mostly because it was a little private and I’m not in the business of embarrassing and/or estranging my readers.
Are you kidding? I am nothing if not an affirmation hound. “Love me!” I say, jumping into your lap. “Love me love me love me love!”
Thus the visit on Monday to a Catholic therapist.
More on that in a later post.
For now, I wanted to give you some background on why I’ve been candid in blogging about sex. (Well, “candid” without being too candid, you know? That’s the goal; that’s the fine line I’m walking.)
One of the books in my personal library is an oldie from the 70’s—an oldie but a goodie entitled The Total Woman. Have you heard of it? I was given this book early on in my marriage—though I forget, it may have been before that—when a dignified older friend of my mother was cleaning out her personal library.
(She was a prominent local Catholic and very wealthy.)
(I scored big with that one.)
The author of the book, Marabel Morgan, promised a marriage that would “come alive” if you followed its principles on a daily basis. She gave week-long “Total Woman” seminars and her book, which sold more than ten million copies, was the best-selling nonfiction book of 1974.
Well, I tell you. I read that book from cover to cover, and still carry its Bible-based principles within my heart. This is not to say that I’m always true to them, but rather, that I can attest to their efficacy some 16-plus years of marriage later.
I’ll be frank. About a year ago, my husband and I were on the verge of separating. It was so bad, in fact, that we spoke to our priest, who after carefully listening to both sides of the story, told me, “I don’t think he’s going to change. You need to change.”
And because I, too, am far from perfect, I was willing to try.
I recalled one of the chapters from The Total Woman entitled, “Rocks in the Mattress.” Morgan claimed that many marital problems begin in the bedroom, and in her mind, more frequent sex was the remedy. Now here’s the gist of this blog post’s conversation: Because she was so frank about it—knowing, as she did, that it had saved her marriage—I am going to be frank with you.
Frequent sex saved my marriage too. It softened our hearts and opened the door to communication. I changed; he changed; we are much, much happier.
Now, all that said, this is a fairly private matter and I firmly believe that it should be. My goal in speaking about marital intimacy is not to be immodest or unladylike. Rather, my friend, it’s to tell you it matters.
And I’ll leave the rest of the research up to you.
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Ed. Note: I’m beginning ironic with the title of this post. Do you remember the movie “About Last Night”? Starring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore (two of the “Brat Packers” from my generation), it was originally titled “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” and highlights a relationship that began after a one-night stand.
Consider that movie—and the millions being made in its image—and then read this very recent article. It will be 100% worth your time, I promise. You will want to share it with your kids when they’re ready.